A long time ago, I overheard this conversation, one of the many I hear during my train travels.
Both were once friends, then got married, and lost touch. This was a chance meet. A bit after after the formal introductions:
W1: So you got married?
W2: [awkward smile] Yeah, married my boyfriend of 3 years. But it's not working out. I filed for divorce recently.
W1: [hurt] That's sad. How are you putting up?
W2: [encouraging smile] Okay now. I was more than happy to split up. I wasn't meant to be a beaten up wife anyway. Plus he used to always travel - what's the point of such a marriage?
W1: [thoughtful] He beat you up? My husband did that the last week and I told him to keep his manhood to himself. I am also thinking enough is enough. He's fought with me endlessly all these years after marriage, but raising his hand on me was the last straw.
The conversation then followed the typical "men are bastards" route. Nothing very interesting.
I normally ask - Why do people get married?
But I'll be... accommodating here and ask - Why do people get married when they haven't learnt to respect each other?
P.S. I use full volume music these days when travelling because most of the conversation one tends to overhear is utter bullshit and adulating generalizations.
15 comments:
Why do people get married?
hmmm, lots & lots of reasons and i dare say, some of these reasons r the right ones too..
the other day, one of my friends came up with this:
"I wanna take care of him for the rest of my life" (can't argue with her there.. everyone, but every single one, needs taking care of. but how many ppl do YOU really want to take care of, can you narrow down to ONE?)
am sure a lot of us will have at least one right reason to marry. growing old, really old, with someone you love and trust can be such a beautiful raison d'être in life..
Why do people get married when they haven't learnt to respect each other?
absolutely agree with you there.. respect for each other, and trust too, shouldn't they ideally be a subset of love..
and my question is why do people get married and lose touch with friends?
@ Amit,
I have always believed love and marriage to be 2 different spheres. Meaning, love can exist independent of marriage and marriage can exist independent of love. It's when we create an ideal of "love" = "marriage" that we have the whole 'necessity' to marry. But is the ideal really ideal?
One doesn't need to marry someone to take care of him/her. Growing old with someone is worthy when you love someone... not just because you married someone.
Ergo, I ask again - Why do people get married? :)
The answer is very much because they have an ideal of love=marriage. I just don't agree with the ideal, instead create a higher one of respecting and trusting love enough to exist independent of marriage. :)
@ HP, that's a good question too :)
Some friends are less lasting, they lose touch even if they get a boyfriend. :)
Why do people get married and lose touch with themselves and their friends?
I think a lot of people don't think of the possibility of a life without marrying because marriage is considered such a huge milestone in India. Or maybe they don't like the persons they are, so to avoid dealing with themselves they find another life to meddle with. Or maybe because marriage affords them a ready-made yes-man to cover all their insecurities.
There must have been better reasons when the idea of marriage germinated...
@ Vini
Yeah, that was unintentional, i didn't mean to equate the two. i find myself being sucked into this love-marriage thingy here, and for the record, am not amused. God, the things we are made to do.. :)
"It's when we create an ideal of "love" = "marriage" that we have the whole 'necessity' to marry. But is the ideal really ideal?"
"One doesn't need to marry someone to take care of him/her."
Am sure that the ideal would be to have that unconditional-love-forever, free from any 'bonds' or 'burden' or 'social sanction'. Marriage is certainly not 'necessary' or 'ideal' but if you are ready for the commitment, if you really want to (and want to be able to) 'take care of someone for the rest of your life' it does solve certain practical issues in letting you do what YOU want to do. It's 'symbolic' & 'convenient' (however repulsive that word may sound). Moreover, when that someone comes along, often it turns out, it's not 'necessary' but 'lovely' to marry.
"The answer is very much because they have an ideal of love=marriage"
"Growing old with someone is worthy when you love someone... not just because you married someone."
I am not sure i can come up with better equations (and their derivations) here :) but here goes the attempt anyhow:
"Don't marry someone if you don't love the one. Don't grow old with someone if you don't love the one. But if possible, do consider marrying someone you really wanna grow old with, the journey is often 'lovely' and certainly 'convenient'!."
@ Amit, I have never cringed at the words 'Lovely' and 'Convenient' but here I stand :)
Nice attempt - but I am not convinced :P
@ Agien - I have a personal theory around it but I am too lazy to type the whole long thing around it right about now.
May be I'll put up a post about it sometime :)
@ Vini
"but I am not convinced"
well, i would have been disappointed if just this could have done the trick! :)
am sure, in time, there will be better and more personalized reasonings offered to you, and then, who knows.. :)
@Amit, everyone keeps saying that :)
i tried answering your questions weirdly enough while we were in the train on our way back from a friend's wedding!! So i won't attempt again...
anyway, i just wanted to say I listen to music on full volume too :)
Full Volume Music.....already gur growing old...wldnt a "lady" wid a hearing aid luk funny! :P :P :P :P :P
@ Gaurav -- No one laughed at your joke! :P
@ JOJO - I know you did :)
dat was bcoz da joke was on u nd meant fr u only! cant help if u dnt hav a sense of humour! :P :P
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