Tragedy of the Missing Tear

To miss that which you once abhorred

Never seemed a possibility

To wish for that which you once battled

In the midst of a disability

In awe of this malady

Insomnia becomes the tragedy

Ain't I joyful, with laughter sprinkling wild?

Ain't I content, with the mindfuck aside?

In the busy-ness of the normalcy of life

Have I forgotten how to strive?

Challenges gone astray

Soul transforms into a mystery

Disappears in its mild form

Who knows, into which storm?

Wake up with an empty feeling

With questions I am adept at dealing

Answers seem delusional

Am I living an illusion?

Mr. Soul seems missing a link or two

I stand, half expecting, from the darkness, a Boo!

No such games does he like to play

Killing me with what he'd really like to say

Hearing is a challenge

For he dwells within a silence

Grace me with his presence, he will

Commitment of my actions, he sees until

Soulless, I am doomed to be

In the foggy night, I dream not to see

Figuring feels out

Wednesday Sept 23, 2009

4:35 am

There is a challenge. Others can deal with that challenge well. I can't. And I can't even figure out how they can deal with the challenge because the challenge surpasses all realms of frustration and absurdity most days. Is it because others face a good relationship with that challenge - that they can deal with it, probably even never feel the need to call it a challenge?

This whole episode is twisting my guts out in 7 different directions and I can't figure it out. Friggin' shit!

P.S. I just realized while I had one thing in my mind when writing this, there's another totally different situation in my life that fits the bill too. My guts are going in 14 different directions now. *Ugh!*

The Dawn of the Night

The night has a beautiful quality about it. The darkness has endless stories dancing around within it. The beggar finally owns his dog and plays with him under the street light. The night girls step out, their presence most obvious in a crowd. Alley ways seem like the busy traffic road. Danger lurks quietly and none ever knows when it might strike. The full moon makes up for the artificial life of lights. And the wind beckons your face into its never ending mystery.

How could the experience of venturing out into something so beautiful be dangerous to so many?

Forgetting Us

I had a rather disturbing experience yesterday while travelling in a fully packed train. An insensible someone tried to get into the train when there was no space and another lady decided to block the entry so the insensibles couldn't have their way. Result: The insensible was left hanging out on the door in a fast moving train well out of the platform. I didn't realize this at first, because I was too busy in my thoughts and listening to music. A few seconds later, with horror I realized someone was hanging out the door and the image of a friend who died young because he hung out and got hit by a pole during a train journey came to my mind. I couldn't stand still waiting for moments to pass and let time take its turn. I scolded the lady "What the fuck is the matter with you? Where's your humanity?" And when she rattled on and mixed up the insensibles sense of purpose and my reason for scolding her, " Don’t make excuses for your complete lack of humanity"

Within the next few moments, I had made a compartment full of women hate me for defending the insensible who got in. I made it clear to the blocker that I am not defending the insensible's foolish actions rather condemning her action of letting someone hang out of the door like that while she deliberately blocked the entry, in a moving train.

I can't figure out whether the women understood my words, whether they understand the repercussions of their actions - about how the insensible could have easily fallen or got hit and died. Can someone live the rest of their lives knowing that their one moment of foolishness resulted in the death of another ? But they didn't see the point. They decided I was defending the insensible. May be it helped them block out a guilt. May be they just didn't want to listen and understand or even consider. I know if I catch the same train again on Monday or any other day, I will be looked at as the supporter of the insensibles.

And though there were no specific thoughts besides the image of my friend who died at 20, I don't know why for the rest of the day I felt powerless. Not a long time ago, for a documentary I made with friends on a social evil, I had chosen, none less than out of full conviction, the words - "The power of one can change the world"

I feel like I am sitting in the dark now - trying to save my conviction from dying. I don't know the actual impact of my actions. But I know that during the 20 minutes I fought to save someone's life, in the midst of 100 criticisms, there was one soul I touched who re-thought about her actions that result from a bad set of circumstances. May be faith and conviction need to go hand in hand.

Circumstances happen to everyone. Why is it difficult for people to accept a compassionate response to a difficult circumstance? Why does one hurt make us hurt another? Personal justice is a darkening vain concept, even more than a misunderstood ego.

Managers & Leaders

Management. Leadership.

See the difference! Rather feel the difference! Not all managers can be leaders. And this can be deduced to a single quality I have seen all leaders have. Empathy, understanding and respect.

Okay - that's 3 qualities. I just couldn't resist :P

So to all those who are newly promoted or have been warming the seats (probably hiding those eggs) - get off your asses and be a leader! It's a bloody refreshing change for this otherwise drab world of business and management.

No… money doesn't have to be the only interesting concept. It's outdated. :)

P.S. I know some of you go "Ugh!" when the word "Management" comes into picture. That's exactly what Management does. Leadership gives you a new word -- "Woohoo!!"

P.P.S. - Don't agree with all of the above? Go suck an egg! My blog!

Mine

Mine

Mine

Mine!! :P

:)

Focus

I can't focus. :(

I want to

so badly

but I can't

Is this one

of the many moments

where the heart

and the mind

divide

tearing me apart

frustrating my core

makes me wanna

break the end of

2 alien fingers

just so

I can hear

"Kaput!"

Is that really

what an alien finger

breaking

would sound like?

Right about now

I wanna trot

in the field closeby

just so I can hear

"boink boink"

and go up and down

with a wheeee!!

And I wanna

twirl

till I faint

Not of spinning heads

But of elation

Would that

put an end

to my misery?

Can I gnaw

at my core

just so I can

set my mind right?

Ugh!

I can't focus.

Bleh!

Phhbbtttt!

Hmpf!