Sanguine Life

Boxes

2012-01-22T22:45:00.001+05:30

As I live each year, I feel at an increased risk of living in a box. Limitless possibilities seem limited and never ending responsibilities are indeed never ending. Friends are no longer free spirited but tied up, more often than not. Plans get cancelled 4 of 5 times. And beliefs and values seem limited by that which offers safety rather than that which feels right. There’s more “buts” than any previous age.

I hope I find it in my heart to live with childlike qualities as I age… that I remember to wonder at the marvels of life, smile at the miracles of nature, have the life in me to venture out on spontaneous adventures and travel around the world discovering life.

I hope I die with life.

Om

2011-11-19T23:37:00.001+05:30

"Om"

I have encountered this word since I was born (I may not have memories till I was 4yrs tall). It's very hard to be born into a Hindu family in India and never encounter this word.

Everybody tells me - it's powerful and significant and has extraordinary benefits. I don't know how it does or why? It could be a powerful word and so is "love" a powerful word. Why don't I chant "love" rather than "Om" in the meditations?

I am searching online for websites that tell me the real reason - may be a scientific one - on why Om is such a powerful word. Anyone knows?

Black Beauty :)

2011-11-17T23:47:00.001+05:30

Through the mysterious dark lights,
Your face comes shining through
Rough locks dance gently
Where my face yearns to

Touch your crowded face
Or smile your lovely smile
Hold your humble heart in mine
Or sweep through this love divine.

Midnight Thoughts

2011-11-17T00:11:00.001+05:30

These days, I alternate between moments of excitement and moments of fear - depending on what thoughts I choose.

I am visiting Gangtok next week and I am excited, restless, elated enough to jump with joy and go "wheee!"... yes.

And I am afraid too - can I manage this trip on my own ? Would I create memories to live by ?

As I write my fears, I realize I don't have any reason to fear. I might not visit many places or see the best things but as long as I visit some new places and meet new people and am able to sit down and have a nice local dish and drink... I would feel wonderful.

Simple Pleasures of the Senses

2011-10-08T13:08:00.000+05:30

CC: Vinisha K Nambiar

Absorbed in the bound of words
Flipping away through the pages of adventure
A smell, homely
Hits my senses
And shapes my face
To that of a smile..

This earth, once dry and wanting
Now filled with wetness and satisfaction
Love, so pure,
Spreads to the heart of me.

Search

2011-10-06T00:44:00.001+05:30

Hold my hand to the air,
Trace your presence
Through the dark, misty nights.

Feel your gentle voice,
And turn my face
To distant, empty spaces

Let my fingers,
Dance...
Through the bright morning rays

Let my feet,
Walk...
Through these faint, hollow streets

Search the blind falls of midnight
For the velvety black of your eyes

Touch the wrinkled freshness
Of your cold, warm hands.

Faith

2011-10-02T20:44:00.001+05:30

I didn't know where these roads lead,
Or what your heart truly feels
All I have, is the invisible hand
Of faith...
Placed over my humble heart
Assuring me...
Of the limitless possibilities
Between you and me.

To Mothers

2011-09-25T21:14:00.002+05:30

Regardless of what phases your daughters might have been through - lazy to excited to impulsive to forgetful to annoying to loving ...

Don't forget to trust her and don't be a control freak when she's genuinely trying to help you or take responsibility.

Just learn to accept her and let her do your things in her way. Give her the freedom. She'll make it worth your while. After all, you are the one who taught her the very first things.

Romancing the Rains

2011-08-28T23:21:00.000+05:30

I love the rains. It's a blissful feeling when nature wants to play waterfall with you. In a moment of oneness with this universe that creates me and is created by me, there is humility, kindness, calm and a strong feeling that I can make everything happen for me. All I have to do is spread my arms and welcome what this universe gives me for what I have given it.

Droplets, cold and pure
Rain from the blue skies
Dance through their downward journey
And rest playfully on my face.
Trace every cell of my structure
As if I were a miracle
Love every being of my soul
As I yearn for every shred of it.

Victory

2011-08-27T01:19:00.000+05:30

Razor sharp, your words
Tear through the shreds
Of my beautiful beating heart...

Shoot arrows bloody and painful
pierce the core, strong and dark
Resist the pain of your misled ways
The red of fury beats hard and fast

Words of my soul
Lay blankets over your blades
For hours together,
I forgive you not

Aghast in a moment,
I discover painfully
A deep gaping hole,
Through the life of my soul.

Tears of sorrow do no mends
Until I fill, my core with love
My soul's healed and my heart is ripe
Feel the strength of a million armies
Marching to the walk of life.

Distant Pain

2011-08-13T12:52:00.000+05:30

Forgive, I know I have to
Trust, I know not anymore
Look into your distant eyes
That see everywhere else
But me

I walked on fire, drank
the bitter sweet poison
Wrath, of many a folk
Just for you.

Forget to remember me
Thankless, your demeanor
Breaks my heart, shakes
my faith
In friendship, love and life.

Pains

2011-08-10T23:58:00.000+05:30

Darkness fills my soul as I hold
These bitter layers deep within
Peel none ever but wrap
Till the teary core is smothered even.

Hurt you, till you cry my pain
Ease my soul with the burden less
A silly heart fills needless emotions
Grant you a smile, as if the history fainted.

Pick random stones in the rains
And hurl them at me,
When none around,

---
M so sleepy...

Lessons in Life

2011-08-08T23:00:00.000+05:30

Defeated by the miseries of time
These hopeful eyes, bear no more life
Standing strong, walking headlong
The feet dragging burdens of doubt

Progress and satisfaction, deluded
Into weary bits of melting snow
Look about to the whites rundown
And find frozen tears, abandoned

Wish for a hand to guide through
These dark times of despair and pain
Find instead a soul, strong and proud
Determined to fight the fate ahead

Tough lessons in life came away
Losing or learning, forgot my venture
Cry to the wee hours of morning
Till the dusk of this passing day

Waking up, to the bright new day
Full of hopes and miseries await
Never short of one simple thing
That of learning, again and again.

Society

2011-08-07T14:53:00.000+05:30

What is a society, but you and me?
Why accept these million minds, over yours and mine?
Are they right, who never dare to celebrate their individuality?
Or are we right, who risk living their own?

Which society would you choose?
That of men and women afraid of their own minds,
running the rat race of never ending expectations?
Or the one inside of you, ready to lead the line?

Hurting Souls

2011-08-06T22:28:00.000+05:30

A tight knot grabs my heart
Doesn't move, nor do I struggle.
Close my eyes and hold my breath
Till I surrender to my powerlessness

I turn to you, blink my eyes
Put my arm around your shoulder
Wipe your tears with my hands
And feel your heart's pain
Into mine.

Short and Bitter

2011-07-31T22:38:00.000+05:30

It's all about fighting these days,
Your words, your face and you
Wish not for it to be real
But a passing phase...

Let this memory be short
I never wanted this
To be for a long time
But just momentary

My weakness turned hostile
With each day passing
And nights of dreams
But never nightmares

How I wish, this was
Not about torn hearts
Or streaming tears
Seconds passed fighting
battles of words and thoughts

How I wish, this was
A simple phase of
Souls meeting and greeting
The gentle feeling
Of Love.

Dying Acts

2011-07-26T23:23:00.000+05:30

If you search for that which is within you, outside...
What will you do when it dies?
How will you save it?
How will you save yourself?

Will you rush to the powers heaven mighty?
Will you cry like a lone wolf?
Will you sit there, defeated?

Would you continue

Looking for a saviour, outside?

Or...

Would you consider...
Holding its hand and blessing it
to your soul?

In the Hide

2011-07-25T18:28:00.000+05:30

Shadows hide behind the form of a man

Hearts hide behind walls of broken chains

Minds hide behind unmentored destinies

Lives hide behind the known and forgotten.

Lies & Me

2011-07-25T18:26:00.004+05:30

Drowing in the ocean full of lies

Water fills the void

That was once full of breath

Beat my arms around,

Struggle furiously, then slowly

Surrender to the currents of time

Flashes of my past run through my mind’s eye

One lesson stands strong

“It ain’t over till it’s over”

I realize it ain’t the bottom yet

Fight back, through the dark waters

Rise above, dignified and wise

Till the waters were clear

And I was above,

Lies and destruction,

Above it all.

Questions

2011-07-25T18:26:00.002+05:30

Where do these damp roads lead?

To lands known or unknown

Or a bit of both?

Where do these feet find peace?

In lands of still cold waters

Or in homes with hot baths?

Where does my face find its smile?

In jokes amongst friends

Or the warmth of a lover’s arms?

Where would my soul find its mate?

In the adventures of life

Or in the mystery of time?

The Path

2011-07-25T18:26:00.000+05:30

Chunks of voices trapped

Inside this pretty throat.

Sing random songs

Of victory and death

Or failure and life.

Release the bonds,

Make good the loss

Of freedom.

Surrender to the will

Of the Grand Plan

With my humbled heart

Until death do us part.

Snow White Globe

2011-07-25T18:17:00.001+05:30

Walk the crisp floor of the woods

Dark and lonely, echoes abound.

Halt to stare at a shining light;

Trouble or joy, my mind can’t decide.

Legs find a courage of their own ,

Take a step and then some more…

Till I find with great relief

A snow globe – Oh! what a delight!

Round and glittering,

Squeaky clean to touch.

And cold like the snow

Surround the thick walls

Give a shake and two,

Hear the glub glub;

Watch the snow whites

gently descend down.

No large cities or castles very pretty,

No sweet homes or Santa Ho Hos!

Only a girl, young and alone;

Holding a snow globe…

In the dark, lonely woods

With ever so fright!

Infant Joy

2011-07-25T18:16:00.003+05:30

The sharp sunny rays

Cut through dark rain clouds

With a shriek not so quiet

Your presence was announced.

The gentle cool breeze

Colours the starry sky like night

With a yawn so innocent

Your soul enraptures into my heart

Stroke your cheeks to feel

The velvety sweetness of rose

Bring your face to mine

And feel the overwhelm of delight

All babies are alike, say them old girls

Refuse them all, for you’re one none like

Wrap your baby fingers around mine so tight

And stay close to my still beating heart

I’ll sing you songs many a nights

Till you’re big bird, ready to take flight.

Magic of Rhyme

2011-07-25T18:16:00.001+05:30

Thunderstorms transform to sunshine..

On a bright cloudy day.

Vultures turn hummingbirds..

In a splendid deserted lake.

Baby cries turn into grown up laughter..

On a famished rocky lane.

Notoriety turns into love..

In the unrequited heart’s passion.

A while ago, through the buried lengths of time

I released my soul to the love of rhyme

If you wondered aloud ever

At the transformations so clever!

Suns of Passion

2011-07-25T18:15:00.002+05:30

Fury rises under my clenched teeth

As I battle the thoughts from my wants

Crowds of hundreds gather in a round

Till the sun of my passion falls prey to darkness

Tear down the walls of flesh

Break free with a leap of faith

Till the sun of my passions,

I grab with my bare hands

So what, if it burns me?

So what, if it impairs me?

So what, if it blinds me?

Love & joy, I find in my heart

The darkness I craved to escape

Has escaped me…

Truthful Miseries

2011-07-25T18:14:00.002+05:30

Sorrows of my mind revealed

layers of my hidden persona.

Through choked throat,

troubled hands, I chant

the miseries of my heart.

Ask you a truth,

you’re bound to know

Ease my pain, give me hope

A night of peace and vain.

Secrets never escaped

the mighty cover of your accord

Seal your lips, cross your heart

Faith in you never betrayed

Be it an army or one man.

My truths destined mysteries

My pain erasable with time

Hopes come aplenty

with the laughters, many a dime.

Home

2011-07-25T18:13:00.000+05:30

Passions put to rest

On a journey, I embarked

From a land far far away

To the one where my heart stays

Afternoon sun shines the world

Bright rays close my eyes

I fight,

to absorb every sprinkle of it.

Angel wings follow my flight

Lovely, silver feathers.

The ocean beneath these wings

glitters in diamond madness

Sight so divine,

Tempted I am.

No wings ever granted

Flight becomes what I crave

Fly with the afternoon angels

To discover the maze of horizon

Never ending, proudly declared to be

Fly beyond its famous facade

Into space, so dark and twinkling

Float till the end of time

Amidst beauty tickling my senses.

The heart found a new place

where passion and comfort dance.

Forgotten where I began…

Or where I rested.

Shifting Homes

2010-11-24T00:45:00.000+05:30

A better place ...

I've found it.

All you blogger loyalists, tell me how loyal you feel after checking out a sexy Wordpress theme I've got up @

http://32caratsmile.wordpress.com/

:) CIAO!

Sunday

2010-11-14T11:33:00.000+05:30

It's one of those Sunday mornings where tears come out without a warning. The palm of your hand suddenly feels a wet cold and surprise rolls in, when the source becomes obvious.

The windows are closed so I cannot be sure if it's a beautiful cold Sunday morning or one of those hot sunny ones. There isn't a breeze flowing through these parts. Wonder who'd want to come out of the comfort of their homes today?

I slept in and now I am feeling a tad bit lazy to venture into things. There isn't a list like I make on weekdays at work. All it's going to take just another step & a resolve of an energy molecule to get me excited about today.

It's all about making effort, baby.

Wishing Away

2010-11-08T01:34:00.000+05:30

The hollow of your drunken steps
Wake my light slumber
I turn my head to find
You were hollow

I reach for solace
In the arms of millions
Only to be reminded
Of you, zillions

You walk over my new path
In an invisible step ahead
I wish you'd just go away
And never be my dread.

Tick Beat Tock

2010-11-06T01:08:00.000+05:30

Will there be a tomorrow

Brighter than the mediocre today

Will I have the courage

To make it great & grand

Will there be laughter & peace,

Calm & quiet of a soul at ease

Will there be the million specks

Of what makes a tainted picture

Will there be a million moments

Filled with the ecstasy of love?

I don't know... But

There will be, the tick tock

Of the humble time keepers

Who never relish the joy or misery

Of those lost in their repetitive dance

Only the beat of one heart

Against the next second of

Tick Tock

The Irony of Time

2010-10-10T14:12:00.000+05:30

Dreams of you, torture me not
For once, they rise me
With you heavenward

Pains of your heart, bring me no joy
At last, they swallow me
With you to the depths of hell

Choices of a Woman

2010-09-18T13:17:00.000+05:30

Two paths stare into my eyes

Blank, lacking any feel

A voice, deep & true

Sound passion into my ears

I stare back at the empty paths

Wishing life was predetermined

Burden of choices, I won't stand against

Wishing falsely for an unworthy adventure

Mutter the words of passion, verbatim

Suck out the feel, akin the prodding path eyes

Dammit, I say, one life, one choice

One path to make the adventures worthy

Of me & my short life

The Vault

2010-09-11T18:06:00.001+05:30

An angry vile force
Tapers the round
Unwelcome undercurrents
Spirals the steady

The sharp edge
Cuts through the thick
The shaky splendor
Destroys the magnificent build

He spent a fortune
To protect an inkling
A simple chain of events
Tore through the grand vault
And robbed his inkling away.

-------

Security is an illusion, we all love. But somewhere, we all know, the efforts at being secure are wasted.

The Black Heart

2010-09-08T23:33:00.000+05:30

I remember your face,

Bright red, life giving

An urgency in your movements

A passion driving a force

Light up a dark room

Make many a wide smile

Through the darkest periods of life

I stood by your humble side.

I caught a glimpse of you

In a very long time, to find

that which was red, was now

a blackened sight

Turned a bright room dark

A negative fervor driving

Your morose force

At the sight of your dark shine

Sank into disdain, Your presence in mine

Did the darkness turn you ?

Or was it the lack of healthy sunshine ?

Truth be afraid to reveal its face

For it's your soul that betrayed

The humble shreds

Of your mocking beat.

--------------

Bad things happen. You live on with a few smiles.

Good things happen. You live on with many more smiles.

Don't let the passion of your rhythmic heart turn black with grief & betrayal. It's your one true love.

Love as I like it

2010-09-04T16:51:00.002+05:30

The burn of love

The zest for life

The quest of beauty

The rest will die

Hold on till the last breath

Not my hands, but the will of you

Love till the last beat

Not my face, but the heart I gave just to you

Zilch & Full

2010-09-03T00:16:00.000+05:30

At the click of a second,
Hope has beckoned me
To join hands in unison
To join arms in love

For this happy moment
Hope did not abandon
Not was it abandoned

The room has lit bright tonight
And the forever shut doors opened
There is a vacuum in my next step
Of an open mind & an empty heart

The odds cry out, while I smile out
Into this Zen state of peace
My arms stretched wide open
To heed the joyful cry
Of my million unkempt hopes

Afterall . . .

At the click of a second,

Hope has beckoned me

To join hands in unison

To join arms in love

Happily obliged forever,
Forever captured in this moment
Of peace & zilch
Making me feel like the breeze
On the bloody cold mountaintop.

---------------------------------------

Love & The Absence of It

2010-08-26T23:45:00.000+05:30

A deep chasm decorates

The endless vacuum, which percolates

Through the passionate reins

Of my beautifully broken heart

A swoosh of air sings

This mighty jump, which rings

A deafening song to the maze

Of my divinely gifted ears

Rush through the tapestry

To err no more mystery

The vacuum seals & the chasm heals

The songs die down...

The maze discovers an end...

The beautiful broken heart mends

Gracefully to the tune of silence

Rising from the vacuum left behind

By the deadening of the songs

---------------------

In the pretty world of today -

Frank blew his hat in the air at the sight of her long flowing hair. She arrived in full vision even before he found the desire to draw in his breath and felt the need to let it out. She formed his heart in its full structure, letting the beauty of blood fill his heart a warm red with love.

He would show her the magic she played with his heart, if he could. For now, he let his hand touch his heart and sighed. Love, they called it....

In the world of some other day -

Through a deep slumber, Frank woke up with no memory of her. He had stitches sculpted where his precious veins enjoyed their space. He felt numb, if numbness were ever a feeling. The room was dark & lit only by the lightning's displeasure. The doctor walked in -

"So how are we today, Frankenstein??"

She was torn out of his heart.

Dear Diary,

2010-08-16T23:57:00.000+05:30

Life hasn't been running around in circles for me. If anything, it has been ever expanding beautifully and I am overjoyed.

Relationships, however, continue to run about in circles. It's quite weird that the same behavior be exhibited by 4 different, totally unknown to each other people. The only way to solve this mystery is to deduce the common indicator and that's me!

I don't know what I do wrong or what I do right, but I do do something. Lately, I have started becoming aware of my ever growing need to be away from people, not have my personal life being discussed at all and I am afraid I might just be a loner.

It's not as terrible as cancer. You deal with it & move on. But you accept it first.

Bubbles Go Puck!

2010-08-10T21:00:00.000+05:30

Within the bubble of habit, I love those times, when the bubble is forced to go "puck!" and leave a tiny enough space that gives me one chance to escape & do something different.

I hate those times when the ends of the bubble pull me down & capture me back into the safe haven of the bubble's inside. The same old familiar. The same old struggle. The same old boring.

--------

I hate those times when the ends of the bubble pull me down & capture me back into the safe haven of the bubble's inside. The same old familiar. The same old struggle. The same old boring.

Of course, if I am inside a bubble I have the advantage of pushing against the walls repeatedly so one day, it is going to burst open

Domo Arigato

2010-08-09T00:06:00.000+05:30

I was a proud teenager, who although felt gratitude and respected the gracious, never accepted it's existence & reality in my life.

I have grown thus. Though I am not as proud as before, I still am... to some extent. I never understood why.

Today, was different. There wasn't the slightest presence of the love & pain of the heart, the fiery depths & the cloudy gains of the soul or the disdainful remorse or mighty pride of the body. Today, there was just gratitude over strangers & friends coming through in the time of need.

And while I still choose not to yell over rooftops, in my heart I humbly say "Thank you"

----------

Walking through my happy lands
Comfort blessed me, the know-alls tend to me
Trace every pothole & puddle confidently
Like the uneven strands of my hair

Today was a different path
A different role, life played itself
The potholes were even & puddles counted
Yet, I stumbled along, with each reveal

Friends came aplenty, strangers too
Happy to help, without a gain too
Gracious & humbled I suddenly stand
A stark oppose, to my confident uneven strand

---------

P.S.: Domo Arigato means Thank you very much in Japanese. After effects of watching Memoirs of a Geisha!

Melted Iron

2010-08-07T23:16:00.000+05:30

Acceptance is a class act. When efforts are made at acceptance consciously & consistently, the end result feels like a high or at best, like a peaceful charm of a bright Sunday morning free of worries & responsibilities.

But when you realize out of the blue, you have already accepted something that you always thought you were going to struggle against, it feels... damp and empty. There's no achiever's joy. Worse, there's this fear, that other affected parties who haven't had the time to come to terms with something, let alone taking the time to accept, will never understand your acceptance. That's how people get labelled "cold" in wake of an emotional turmoil.

I am cold right now, numb even.

-----------

Quest for peace, ends in pain
Omnipresent in each breath
Of life & death

Beaten deadly, torn repeatedly
Shreds of my being, you created
Turned into pieces of rage
And never ending sorrow
A hollow, forever empty
The task of filling it,
Seems daunting, even
To the mighty sands of time

With a part of you, I was created
And with your heart, I was molded
With your deeds, I was broken
And with your existence, I was...

Trust & Rust

2010-08-06T19:45:00.000+05:30

I have always heard praises for the philosophy of being trustworthy and trusting & having faith in people. Honestly, I have never felt conflicted due to lack of trust.

This week I did. It's not pretty. More importantly, it doesn't help you, especially if you own the role of a caregiver, in whatsoever role, the care giving might be, even if it is a simple shoulder to lean on.

-----------

The rush of a cold river,
Brought us together
Our feet sunk in the same depths
As the lands we walk upon

Like the flowing river,
So lively & energetic,
Prosperous & rich
Generous in its green
Us, we were.

A shattering of the depths
A breaking of hearts
A trust gone rust
In the vaporizing frenzy
Of the same flowing river.

Two diverged bodies, we turned
Never meeting face to face
The one thing we forget though
Is the end & its fate

A river flows various ways
To end the same
Meets the mighty wide ocean
Against its will & due its fate

-----------

To answer my conflict, I have come up with a simple question - "What's the win/win situation here?"

The answer to that determines the course I let my river flow. The end of course, is the same. Funny thing is, the journey is always more fun than the end. The end is all boo-hoo.

Grief of a Princess

2010-08-06T00:45:00.000+05:30

I wish sometimes, we were like birds. Not for the clichéd - "be able to fly like a bird", but because birds are smarter than us. They take care of their children and once they grow, teach them to fly out of the safety of their nests.

The tragedy of a princess who has everything but wants to be independent is that she is never let out to do so and not that she couldn't find her prince.

================

A dime came rolling
Rolling over to my pretty hands
Hands, I extend & receive the shiny
Shiny & clean, it seemed content
Content, was never its goal
Goal only to be helpful
Helpful, none were, when I asked
Asked humbly, "O' what would this shiny coin be for?"

Buy me love, could it?
Buy me treasures?
But O', would it buy me freedom?
Free, is all I want to be
Dungeons & castles aren't my captors
An imprisoned free bird lives
Deep somewhere within this being
Free, is all it wants to be
Free & not a handsome love
Lovingly caress the bountiful treasures
Treasures are none but one
One who makes my skin breath
Breath underwater too, the mighty
Mighty free existence of limits
Limits that never could go beyond keeping your head above water.

Uh-Oh!

2010-08-03T22:38:00.000+05:30

Ah!

A wave breaks within my soul

And the hidden depths & layers reveal

A story I never accepted

A story I never wished to know

Oh!

Once upon a time, destiny introduced us

One day at a time, mystery threw us apart

One moment at a time, we connected our hearts

One breath at a time, we dispelled the feelings

Yes!

Your face in the darkness of my eyes

Youthful & divine, calmness & a sweetness

Yesterday, I could sleep amidst loneliness

You are the culprit, for my sleepless nights

Till the lost souls meet

2010-08-01T19:35:00.001+05:30

Sitting by the windowsill

Staring into the empty rain

Closed his eyes, felt his desire

Moved her hands

Into the dark wetness of the pour

Closed her eyes, felt her longing

A star shone brightly

Through the fury of thundering clouds

Both caught a sight of it

And felt mellow inside.

Joint in desire, separated

through miles & perspire

to reach an end & tiles

lay out front, a red carpet

Till both souls meet enchanted

through the maze of the universe

Walk till their feet bleed,

Crave till their last breath

Spread their arms, till

their hands unite over

tears of wait that create

never ending waters.

Image Courtesy: deviantart.com / Love: by LimpidD

The Magical Star

2010-07-31T22:12:00.000+05:30

I lay awake on a quiet dark night
With the breath of a fellow next to me
I looked out of my windowed wall
To see the trees mighty asleep
Past my fears, there shone a tiny light
Hold it's stare for long, I did
Seek it through, the crowded branches
A moment more of its glimpse I yearned
Rise above my humble bed,
I wished a ride to the sky
To meet the star and
Feel its light shining upon me
Blessed for the feel, none the less.

Tonight

2010-07-29T23:36:00.000+05:30

The buzz of night sounds
Rub against my ears
Fight off this tired sleep
Hushing a dilemma aside
My mind shouts a glee
To this dark, heavy night
About a new day that dawns
Through the illusionist time
Remember a painted face
My eyes laid on earlier today
Remember those deep eyes
Looking through my hardnut layer
Wind blows humility to disappear
And the mindless attitude grunts
Forgotten somewhere
The presence of a human
In me & suddenly all around me
===========================

A very worky day just ended. There are moments that I have no record of and neither do I remember whether I played or worked during those missing moments. A friend was upset wondering why she couldn't find the minute to send her lover one missed call and I wondered about the magic of love being dissolved in between all the obligations.

Or may be the definition of 'magic of love' reads different for some.

Behold the Broken Beauty

2010-07-24T21:06:00.000+05:30

A hollow runs deep through these veins
Blood drains in precision through the grains
No tears etch the smooth lines of this face
The glorious crowd clapped at a bravery in praise
Dirt & worms crawled over a rugged body
Strangers wondered at a divine artwork so shoddy

Beauty lay in the eyes of the beholder
None, but there was, to behold the broken beauty.

Once a Lake, Now a Valley

2010-07-21T22:54:00.000+05:30

I spent some quality time today reading The Outlook and guess what I learnt - Militancy in Kashmir is over and the locals are fighting for their azadi (freedom) by pelting stones.

I tend to get emotionally attached to anything & everything that violates human rights, which probably explains why I avoid reading these articles in the first place. However, personal experience has time & again proved that ignorance is not a bliss, ergo my new mission towards reading everything I can lay my hands on, not including Penthouse magazines. (Well, maybe occasionally)

If any of you want to catch the article on Kashmir, here's the link:

http://www.outlookindia.com/article.aspx?266274

About the Mind

2010-07-18T13:46:00.000+05:30

Keeping things simple is difficult when the mind is left to wander around. It loves complications and it seems, it loves screwing things up too.

But when it is controlled and trained to churn out the best in it's owner, it reveals amazing creations.

-----------

In awe of your potential,
I gave you a free rein
While I quickly released you
From your bondage in the leash

Little did I know, you were torrential
Destroyed everything for me, you did
With your love for destruction
Till everything felt out of seize

Perfect by no accident, came a being so sequential
Propitious disposition, what surprised me
He had one of you too, none like you
The joy of creation, oozing out of every crease.

Night in the dark

2010-07-10T21:53:00.000+05:30

A street light dimly lit
feels like home
for it's where it feels right
Your presence in the surrounding darkness
remain in the shadows
behind my back.
Waiting for you,
to take a step forth
and say to me,
"Hello"

Sabbatical

2010-07-03T14:20:00.000+05:30

Lost in transit. I can see the banner on my forehead in the mirror.

Another sabbatical. Until I have figured out what lies beneath this void. And if I can't fill it, how do I live with it?

Temporarily, it's a sayonara from me.

But Arnie style, it's always "I'll be back"

A Heart Wants What It Wants

2010-06-25T14:32:00.001+05:30

She was always with the wrong guy and he was always with the wrong girl. It wasn't until they started looking for love instead of a person who'd love them, that they found each other.

The end.

---------------

Searching the misty mountains
Barren & green, where lie no artificial fountains
Detect the mystery in each valley
Shallow & deep, where tired feet carry
Never saw your face in dreams
Hazy or clear, where beautiful streams
Tell lores forgotten & remembered.
Heard your voice once, that resembled
The sweet ocean swells.

It's raining down on me

2010-06-24T12:43:00.000+05:30

It's been raining pretty since early this morning. I've been shunned to most of the worldly sounds since a week of boredom now. I put my headphones on a while ago and in between songs, the time warp made me aware of the dripping sound of rain. The air was suddenly cold & fresh, perfect to get that breath of life. And the leaves outside are dancing in with the rain.

I can hear thunder, the second I say thunder. :)

A Bloody Journey

2010-06-23T23:45:00.000+05:30

If you repeat something innumerable times to yourself, you tend to think it's true. And then comes this night, when your soul quietly whispers the truth to you.

-----------

Grabbed the chunk of miserable rock
From beneath the depths of core
Smashed it hard against muddy stock
Till my hands went sore

Years pass by & the memories fade away
Walk through the familiar reign with gusto
All that is, holds my sway
Until I pass this lovely manifesto

And realize with mighty dread
That I was the creator
Grief started at the root & then began to spread
For the illusion which professed, I was a manipulator

On my knees now, surrender to the will
Of this universe, I beg to let go
Till my heart breaks & a million pieces spill
A surprised time concedes with a walk slow

Lay there, like death, my essence robbed
The falling rain wakes me from my deathly slumber
And then I remember that my heart still throbbed
Lift my legs, but I am left to clamber

Today I fall, by tomorrow I shall walk
"What then?" - I ask my life
Nothing comes, least a heaven filled clarity talk
Decipher this, as a sign that the path ahead is filled with strife

Enjoy nevertheless, this hazy journey
Blindfolded we all are, in life's mystery

*Source: www.deviantart.com

Vows

2010-06-21T00:52:00.000+05:30

Pinch my arm & search for a false dream

Close my eyes & look for salvation

Surprise the night with my eternal scream

Lest this reality lead to my annihilation

A promise to protect, nurture & love

Implied by the nature of this bond

Each moment of broken promises shove

Deep into the depths of a contaminated pond

Faith devoid of its fervor

Life still offers a paradise

Heavens & beyond hear this clamor

Does a lost childhood imply infanticide?

Unsure of what was, is or will be

As the ideals are destroyed in the phase of time

To the might of my will, I kneel

The bells of victory approve with ten chimes

Just another day, or a moment of life

All seems well & then all’s in the well

False promises made between the husband & wife

No fiery depths contain this lesion of hell

Absolve this cacophony of its pact

Free the harbinger of discontent

Alas! Promises are no longer intact

They depend by life on true intent...

Dear God

2010-06-09T00:28:00.001+05:30

I worshiped the doors of your abode

With my two little feet & palms joined in prayer

I walked with a pure heart & awe at your power

Over my destiny & the justice of this world

Stopped by two men, the guardians of your door

Pride filled their faces, as did hatred

Nothing less than judgement filled their hearts

On my two piece garment, though fully clothed

None the matter, that I was pure of heart

And my soul worshiped your very belief

Mockery it was, of the skin you clothed me in

To cover my beautiful insides

The genius creation of your mechanism

All that mattered was a few stones

Foretelling future to a man so deaf

Irony, that he could see the future

Blind to the truth of your workmanship

Denounce this mockery I did, years ago

A new faith, I bent hell to find

And you revealed me, in your brightest glory

Minus the frills that your so called guardians lay

Awed, no longer, of your power I was

But of the simple knowledge you chose

To enlighten me with

The perfection of me is You

My soul is You.

Rose Tinted Peek Hole

2010-06-05T23:57:00.000+05:30

Doors to the outside world locked

Through a little hole I witness

The gentle breeze filling love in its touch

& bringing life to the sleepy land

The bloom dancing its way

To the bright darkness of the dawn

The magical charm of the man

Making music, O' so beautiful

Through his trumpet so nice

As he sang, La Vie En Rose.

Turning Point

2010-05-29T21:44:00.000+05:30

I want to write like there's no end to the words that can come out of my mind and take form through my fingers. I want to write till this urge deep within is let free and I can find the cloud to my soul cleared.
And as I write these words, a smile appears, because suddenly my eyes are closed and my lips are smiling and faith has taken hold of me and promised never to let go of my beautiful hands.

I know things will be alright from this moment on. That I will find my will to do the right thing, to play that guitar just for me, to write for no one else but me, to laugh and love again, to not hate anymore that past which taught me so, to shine bright because faith has taught me that I am a star.

Of my dreams

2010-05-29T13:21:00.000+05:30

Its a funny thing
My dreams have no smiles
Only reflections
An invisible form, I stand
faraway from the happening
As if I never existed
beyond my ghostly soul
As if, suddenly
In the mind of the creator
I became a creator.

Opposites Attract

2010-05-22T13:14:00.004+05:30

Notice that size - adjustable grey earth ball I have rolling on the right? Well, it says right now there's a footprint of someone from Kouvola, Southern Finland. For the owner of that footprint, Hola!! :)

Yeah, melikey! You just made me smile my first smile in 17 hours :) Thank you.

-----

Lost somewhere in the green of a city

Known streets are meant to be found

Love, without you, I come to a halt

Stranger in the familiar, the image I loathe

Rip these layers out

Stand with my raw insides sealed

Wait, for your glory on my face

Limbs betray my every move

Numb, I feel like I've healed

Yet my soul cries in pain

Caged in a shallow vacuum

Not yet, the time for its release

Breaking Chains

2010-05-16T23:21:00.000+05:30

An instant coffee for thought -

Whenever you catch yourself in that chain of negative thought pattern…

Go Boo!!

Scare the negativity away and laugh out loud.

-----

And I am chewing on this thought for now -

Habits stick. Period.

Then why waste time on habits that pull you down?

Step into the Heal

2010-05-15T00:57:00.000+05:30

Ah! there you come again
That friendly little ache
Right from where
My life source begins
And ends...

I zoom in close
To search your form
It hits me with force
Not were you an ache
Which is what I make
But a pain...

Time lied to me
Said, "I heal all"
But you stayed
And deceived me
With all the foul promises
Till I trusted no more
And I searched your form
It hit me with force
Not were you an ache
Which is what I make
But a pain...

A pain, I never knew
A form, I always drew
Inside me, you alien grew
Shut the doors to my happy heart
A barrier, unable to surpass
You! the filth on my happy smile
You!
That which I thought was an ache
You!
That turned out to be a pain.

Thou can think

2010-05-06T18:51:00.000+05:30

An iced mocha cafe for thought -

"So many things happen to us - a lucky grade, money, loss of a loved one, unhappiness about something or someone, worry that we might just screw up our life or that we are too straight to ever screw it up, a friend or a foe, career, home, kids, lover or the absence of love....

So many things to take us to heights and bog us down. Despite all this, we must never forget our focus - Living in tune with our soul"

Timeless

2010-05-02T14:43:00.001+05:30

Destroy the time keepers I do

For they torture me with their tick tock

Once, at least, I don't want to know

The duration of my precious life

Or the time remaining till my fated death

Today, I'd just like it to be

As it was meant to be

My life measured by the times

I take my breath in and let it out

And by the times which…

Take my breath away.

----

And I can't help but sing along with Louis Armstrong

I see trees of green, red roses too
 I see them bloom for me and you
 And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

 I see skies of blue and clouds of white
 The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
 And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

 The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
 Are also on the faces of people going by
 I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?"
 They're really saying "I love you"

 I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow
 They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
 And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
 Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world

 Oh yeah.....

Inside & Outside

2010-05-01T12:34:00.004+05:30

And I closed my beautiful doors

To the outside world

They knocked the sweetness of my midnight lores

Till the doors were once more open

No more was it the bright breathtaking world

But the darkness where mysteries stroll.

And I closed my beautiful doors

To the outside world

They knocked the sweetness of my tender taste

Till the doors were once more open

And it wasn't who I once knew as the enemy

But the same one transformed into a friend.

And I closed my beautiful doors

To the outside world

They knocked the sweetness of my misery

Till every matter of my insides

Were filled with its sweetness of the first rain

Corrupting me with its joy and freshness

Till the doors were once more open

No more was it filled with misery & pain

But with the innocence & joy of

The very first angel sent down to earth

Security

2010-04-25T13:43:00.002+05:30

A bit boring lately, things had been. A bit tough too, to which her past thought "I have the right to haunt her again"

And it started.

She held on strong & shattered, thinking, "I've been through worse. This will pass, just like the other bad stuff"

A blissful Friday night she watched a movie and in the end broke into tears thinking "That's what I want. I want just one person in my life who wouldn't abandon me" She wiped her own tears for there was no one else to. The past came back to haunt her. It had the right now.

She held on strong, though she was shattered. She blended with the present and had some moments of laugh.

That's when the present decided to shatter her. Two seconds is all that it lasted for - the choke in her throat, the break in her voice. In the third second, someone lifted her, carried her to safety and did everything to protect her from pain. Someone she never expected to be around.

The blowing wind whispered a secret knowledge to her. Life never abandons you, as long as you don't abandon yourself.

Surprise Surprise

2010-04-17T19:42:00.002+05:30

You know how after bad things have happened, you just know there's that dreaded circumstance that's going to hit you in the face and you are all ready to deal with it. Only..

It doesn't happen. It just doesn't choose to happen when you are prepared but it hits you right in your gut when you let go.

May be that's why some people don't like surprises.

------------

Walking out of a pit

A walk in it's glory

I stumble a bit

Even stop, till

I accept this isn't the end,

And certainly it doesn't seem to be

For the dreaded isn't

Where you expected it to meet you

Head on, in a battle so bloody

But you come to find

A beautiful breezy landscape

Just like you left it last night

No blood here, no swords drawn today

No clash of the little me against

You, the dreaded circumstance

I smile and decide to live today

And be ready for a clash when the time comes

I let go, taking for granted that

Life is going to be good and then

The dreaded comes on

To lock horns

With my blunt sword

Till I am wounded

But not dead, because

This little era is not

Going to be my end, because

I say it is not.

The Story of our Lives

2010-04-10T12:20:00.002+05:30

Of the 7 years in his life, he couldn't remember the ones which weren't dreadful. But then again, who looks back at life when he has only 7 years to his credit?

The boy stood at the train station waiting for the next ride. The thrill of a fast train made his fears & pain go away. The wind kissed his face, as his mother once did. The wind wiped away his tears, as his mother once did. He could fly like a bird, that his pet once was. The sound of the train was a music to his ears. He could dance.

The train pulls into the station. He climbs in and takes off his shirt. He cleans the floor of the compartment with his shirt. That's what he does for a living. And then he puts forth his hand, waiting for the passengers to think his work was worthwhile. Or in reality, take pity on him and give him some money.

He goes to the girl in red standing at the door, lost in her thoughts. He puts his hand forth and calls her "Didi". He looks at her eyes, a mix of emotions and skepticism, begs her for some money. She says "No". He moves on to the others.

He gets about 3 rupees and there is no more coming. He retires. Suddenly, he feels 2 taps on his shoulders. It was the girl in red. She hands him 5 bucks. He accepts it. At the next stop, he gets down and repeats the same job there.

-------

The girl had a fun time tonight with her friends. She couldn't remember the last time they laughed this hard and went about the streets so happily. When they parted ways at the train station, she ran for the train, just about the depart. She took a seat, kept up the spirit by talking to her friends and then falling asleep. She woke up 2 stations before her stop and decided to catch some wind.

The train rides soothe her soul. The wind kisses her face, as she longs her mother to do. The wind wipes away her tears, as she longs her mother to do. She felt like bird, that she once believed she was going to be. The sound of the train is music to her ears. She could dance.

A little boy filled with dirt gets into the train, takes off his shirt and starts cleaning the floor. Her heart breaks because he's supposed to be getting an education and not earning. "It's just unfair that we are not born with the knowledge of what we truly deserve but have to learn it along the way, till it's a belief" - she thinks. She considers whether to pay him or not. What's his life like after he finishes up here. Does he go home to a drunken father or a failed one? Worse, does he go home to his master who takes away all his earning and feeds him? No, she will not pay. She doesn't have the food to give him.

He calls her "Didi" and she looks into his eyes. They are desperate as they are taught to be, else they really will be. "No" comes out of her mouth, of habit. She turns away and thinks "At least someone feeds him, if not you." and then "Have faith. May be he doesn't get abused but has no other way to live" She digs her purse for some money and draws out 5 bucks.

She taps his frail shoulders and hands him the money. He gets off at the next stop and she forgets all about him. She thinks about someone she loves and smiles at a few memories. Her stop arrives and she gets off.

"Didi" - a little voice calls out and it's happy. She turns back and finds the boy. He was eating a biscuit, holding his shirt in his arms, smiling and waving at her. She smiles a wide one that comes from knowing that the faith paid off.

One Liner

2010-04-08T20:57:00.001+05:30

I don't have anything specific to write today except -

"It doesn't matter if you don't know how you are going to do it, but just that you are"

Faces of Pride

2010-04-05T21:38:00.001+05:30

Seasons have passed, experiences have come and gone. And as each phase of my life ends and another begins, I am a different person. Sometimes, I am a happy life giver and sometimes I am a grouch. And though I am an extreme person in most cases, I don't like these extremes.

I haven't been proud of myself lately because I have lost some close friends recently. The reasons that seemed valid then for the distance are as valid today. I am disappointed though, for not making the right choices. Not because I couldn't figure out right from wrong but because I didn't believe that I deserved better.

I have been proud of myself because even though I feel like a grouch most days, I haven't given up the fight. And though I am many planes lower, I am keen on looking upwards rather than downwards. I can still listen to and fight for my soul.

When life gets too difficult sometimes, I want help. But I am too proud to approach anyone. When life is good, I want someone to share it with. But I can't find anyone around because once, not too long ago, I was too proud to approach anyone.

P.S. Apologies about the fast approaching posts.

Once upon a time in a Mall...

2010-04-05T21:18:00.002+05:30

The girl hesitated over the railing

To stare at a world below her

She'd never been above

Like the stars, always out of reach

Afraid and yet she was

But happy more & curious too

She stood with her soul

Taking in the sights

Till all of it was a part of her

Take a step away she did

Till she blends into the crowd

The little man so overwhelmed

At a playground so big

None of his peers around

What a shame it sounds!

A marriage fallen apart

In a daze they sit

Once the world was in their eyes

Now the world is away from them

Wait for supper endlessly

A bore and no more they be

Hasn't been the moment yet

When each wonders, "What happened to thee?"

The lone ranger walking

His footsteps wide apart

Find a healing in this crowd

Or the pain of a heart so proud

A shadow I was

Until he saw me

Violate my invisibility

With the span of his eye

A crime truly weird

Having done to you

That you do unto others

A silent protest, a helpless cry

Spoilt rotten, my mind runs dry

Fair & unfair are endless possibilities

An adieu bidding is not an impossibility.

A Lost Centre

2010-04-04T08:47:00.002+05:30

A wondrous need

My mind suddenly heeds

Frivolity on display

Makes my head spin

Escape this idiocy

No less than farce

A centre eludes me

Searching it in the dark

Turn a wanderer, I do

Till the sky turns mighty blue

The sun, once a friend

Soon turns a traitor

When my head starts

Spinning in its own web

Wait for the dark again

While the centre continues

Its enchanting elude

Searching about in the dark

While the wild dogs bark

Find it soon I will

Lose it too, I know still

A quiet lifelong

A one time bond so strong

Learn to keep it within

Till my breath gives in.

A Week Long of Words

2010-04-03T10:50:00.004+05:30

I have been devoid of my internet connection for the past one week. So there are 3 poems I am going to bombard here :)

----------

Euphoria raptures in my ear

The wait still on, it's been a year

A sweet voice so surreal

Promises a cure to

This endless pain that

Never brings a tear but

Cages it inside, even lower than

The decency of a choke

The walls I'd never seen

Seem tall enough for

Me to surrender...

Scale them as a challenge

A fate undecided yet

Time seems still with me

Sometimes, it seems leaping ahead

Calling me or mocking me

And encouraging me

An army general of sorts...

------------------------

The light of blessing upon me

The smell of kin around me

The voice of a stranger in my ear

The love of 2 brothers in my eyes

All the things I don't have

And all that I do

Life seems happy just about now

Miles to go never forgotten

The present never ill gotten

I am now and I will be the future

No gaps to fill, only

Miles of journey to tread

Carefully & carelessly till

The light of blessing is upon me

The smell of my kin around me

The voice of a stranger in my ear

And the love of 2 brothers in my eyes

After which...

The breath would have said good bye

And the stars will be wholly me.

----------------

The raw feelings amidst my humble heart

Disappeared or hidden away like a treasured past

Unable to find the key, I feel trapped inside

While my body moves of its free will, well outside

Not so long ago, it was

The plight of 2 early dawns

That churned out varying emotions

In the same sands of time

I walk through the barren land

Feeling so numb inside

Desperate for fate to be

Just as I planned...

Craving an acceptance, this moment

Rebelling the crave, in the next

Twisted in the realms of a jigsaw puzzle

I put together the pieces, in a huddled muzzle

Never come together, the godforsaken puzzle

And all I’ve become, is just another muzzle

Once upon a Walk

2010-03-29T21:43:00.003+05:30

Walking down the living lane

A thousand sensations make me sane

Under watchful eyes

Does my consciousness rise

Judging or harmless looking

I don't know what's cooking

In their minds so fragile

Versus mine so agile?

A sudden bell rings

Little hands make them sing

A chuckle comes alive

From the arms of a senile

A hole in the living path

While the passing cart

Alike in my approach

Reach my destination

With some hesitation

A thousand different thoughts

Fails to ignite the distraught.

Wake Up Knock

2010-03-27T12:38:00.002+05:30

I heard a knock on my door,

Imitating the beat of my heart

Someone come to take away

My life source, throbbing hard

Take a deep breath,

And the paranoia leaves

Things are okay then, just as they were yesterday

Granted is my security

And eternal is my life.

Open the door, I did

And death smiled

Remind me of my granted security

And the lavish eternal life.

Think again, it said

And slowly went away

Shocked as I was,

A deep breath never came my way.

Stood right where I was

Waiting for my throbs to stop

For a moment and a few next

It never did say bye-bye

Shake the illusion off my mind

Never meant more, the deathly knock

Granted, did I take my life?

Eternally secure, did I say?

Fool of the mighty kind,

With a knock, I came to find.

Crossing The Line

2010-03-17T21:16:00.005+05:30

Simple it is, to go with the flow of destiny

Exciting it is, to carve your own

Simple it is, to rant & wish things went your way

Exciting it is, to walk along less trodden pathways

Simple it is, to drown in life's pleasures

Exciting it is, to stop & answer your soul's puzzles

Simple it is, to merge with popular beliefs

Exciting it is, to stick to your own.

......

Yes, I changed "Difficult" to "Exciting". Not because I am trying to fool somebody, but because I just realized that's why I cannot take the easy way out. And this answers the frustration pent up inside me for the past couple of days which won't let me be one with my soul.

..........

Find my way back to you, Lost

a while I have been, One

with you is all I wish to be, Forever

without any limitations, Beginnings

are not so popular between us, And

endings neither too, Float

across this universe, Searching

the spaces for a hint of you, One

with you I am, Missing

the essence of life while you are away.

Amen

2010-03-09T23:25:00.002+05:30

My heart melts tonight

Reckoning some possibilities

Choose one of the two

Roads diverging into two

The peaceful water flows

Turning things so magically right

I ask my soul to help ease the pain

And then an Unknown power to do the same

A prayer answered

I feel better for

what's left of this night.

Making a Big Pink Deal About Nothing

2010-03-08T22:01:00.003+05:30

If you're thinking on the line of the pink panther, you are wrong.

Odd as it may seem, this cop did have a pink bag. A sleepyhead rising from her sleepy spells was woken aghast when she saw the pink bag cop. It wasn't that he looked horrendous. It was the Pink Bag that discredited him. Wide eyed & puffy eyed, she turned again again to relive that ghastly experience. What? How? Why? are questions which never hit her because her mouth was open, her eyes were gaping & her thinking mind was numb.

A benefit of doubt, perhaps? His knapsack was torn and he didn't have a choice but to take his sisters' old pink bag. Yes yes, it could very much be.

Uh Oh! He's a gay cop!

No no! He just has a bad taste.

Engraved

2010-03-08T21:56:00.002+05:30

I will be cremated but hypothetically speaking, I want my grave to read thus:

" And she loved her journey - every bit of pain & every bit of joy "

Hmmm.. may be I'll come up with something better, later. :)

Goodbye Love

2010-03-07T20:11:00.002+05:30

The smell of your skin disappears

The stupid smile reappears

Like all forgotten times

I am sure you'll fade in a chime

Tonight, I dedicate to you, my love

Never again to be important in my turf

A long time it has been

The heart player, time today must have been

As I write these words of a pain so real

Accepting for a while that seems so surreal

Easing memory and taking stock

Out of my mind you seem heading by the clock

Adieu my once forever love

Never be back again, on the wings of the dove.

Smile in the Night

2010-03-05T16:09:00.003+05:30

I touched a life today

While the beautiful music made love to my core

The reproduced rocks these walls

While my eyes shut the impact

Night falls like velvety curtains to conceal death

While light shines like itself to accept it

Blood drains the ground of its black

While gushing rivers wipe off once that existed

Born today, die tomorrow

Breathe life between the night that pursues

And smile

Because another nightfall might not.

No Grey Matter

2010-03-03T15:20:00.004+05:30

The battle ranging within yourself never really ends.

That's a truth I have come to discover very recently. However... (you knew this was coming!)

Yes, that voice inside never stops talking. Yes, it's going to get louder as you get weaker and stronger as you feel beaten to the ground. But... (You knew this was coming!)

If you listen close enough, you'll know there are always 2 voices. And most times, you choose to make one of those voices your own and fight back to the other. Sometimes, you choose to stand apart while they reason themselves out and you'll find your head tearing to pieces with indecision.

At the end of this battle, you'll have learnt something - good or bad, depending on which voice you chose to listen to and it's going to make all the difference in your life.

Very soon, I think you'll find like I did, it's not a battle...

But a discovery to yourself.

Rendezvous

2010-02-27T22:55:00.002+05:30

The evening sun is never harsh on anyone and neither was it coming down on his face through the imperfect glass walls of a high rise. He was intent on listening to, perhaps, the pearls of wisdom coming from his mentor, I think. I sat across, waiting for the sweet aroma to come to me, with my name etched all over its being. Within that moment, it transforms from a Caramelatte to the existence of my soul.

His eager paws were crumpled up, preventing his excitement from crossing the boundaries of acceptable public behavior. His ears were listening to every word as if it were gold and his eyes were unblinking. A man of 45 with the hair of 75 sat across him, articulating wisdom through the dance of his hands. His head bobbed back & forth and his hands went in circles as he talked. Yes, there was a touch of hands too.

I felt greedy for the words. Was he imparting wisdom unknown to me? How many years pass by till I am chosen by the miracle of this Universe to have that piece of wisdom? A flood of images, all previous mentors, flashed through my memory. A professor's smile, an old friend's handshake, a boss's shrug.

The duo got up and started leaving. In the moment of greed there, I was a muse to both, in parallel worlds. The one who was special enough to know of this private moment of theirs, in their altered words of individual perception & in the tone of variant feelings.

My special aroma released them from my spell. There was the Caramellate waiting to be devoured & become one with my soul.

Progression & Digression

2010-02-20T14:49:00.003+05:30

Alone, sitting in this beautiful home, with a gentle breeze blowing by, making the leaves & flowers of the many plants my mum can't stop planting and AC/DC singing in my ear that they're Back In Black, I wonder -

Why do most of us give up the chance to explore the power of thought? Why are we comfortable in our shells, afraid to go out and get hurt and learn something good ? Which do I tag Human Nature - the tendency to be comfortable with what we know & accept anything that doesn't involve a conflict of emotions, long thoughts and struggle within the soul to know what's really right for us..

The tendency to do just the opposite. Think, question, debate and arrive at what's the right thing to do.

Why is it getting difficult everyday to practice free will? Are we progressing or degenerating as a species? I am even doubtful as of this moment to say 'free will'. What do you really make of it?

A Happy Death

2010-02-07T19:37:00.001+05:30

Sometimes gifts come in undesirable packages. It's difficult to accept them or appreciate them for the special part they have in your life. But when you do, a little or a large door opens somewhere, bringing in fresh air while your body magically grow wings - all you can do within that moment and for the sake of all the moments yet to come, is soar… like an eagle. Not with the serious gruff expression, but just a glee.

One day at a time - that is a promise, you remember, you made to life a long time ago.

------

A gushing wind shakes me

Out of my happy existence

Sorrows I never imagined to hurt so hard

Fill my very existence

An incredibly small voice

And some words written long ago

Move like mountains to remind

Me of forgotten promises

To life and self

And the underliner remains

That then was an existence

This today is Living,

Wake up and take in the

Breath of your Life and Death

Of the existing sorrows.

Soar like an eagle so mighty

With once forgotten wings

Soar into the sky so bright

Where none else can take you in.

Lost & Found

2010-02-04T18:09:00.002+05:30

It's a great feeling to discover yourself after some soul searching. Who knew, silence was a life source?

Laid across a bed of roses

Paying no heed to the forgotten thorns

Pricking & bleeding her soul

Trivial they were, in the midst of heartache

A sudden flash, a meaning discovered

A lost feeling uncovered,

Lightness of her being greeting her

With open arms.

Thorns forgotten as they were

Open wounds nursed as fast

As the heartache subsides

Hope gives breath

Breath gives life

Life gives...

Endless miseries

Endless mysteries

Endless joys

My one true love, it is

Life, life and only life

How can miseries win?

How can pain celebrate?

When mysteries are begging to be uncovered

And joys waiting to be discovered

Leap to new boundaries,

My love waits for me

To take it to places new

Where limits don't exist

Beyond the shallow realms of my fears

But fears don't remain

Because my soul happily demeans it

Back on my feet, roses and thorns forgotten

Miles are to be crossed

Puzzles to be solved

And hearts to be taken...

And given to.

2010-01-19T23:00:00.003+05:30

A bloom died this morning

Issued none ever warning

A true death style.

Puppies were born this night

Giving the mother a fright

A true birth style.

He looked past the shadows

That surround his gallows

To see her smooth face

A true love style.

She smiled a lot

Cursed a mighty shot

In her heart so vain

A true hate style.

He gathered them all

With a new phone call

To celebrate her birthday

A true friendship style.

He gave her the space

But restrained the chains

While he taught her a lot

A true teacher style.

A one style, some style

Altogether come a pile

Churn some words & a lifetime in a smile.

The Devil She Be

2010-01-05T22:13:00.003+05:30

Is there a light in the midst of the woods? An angel in white, with her feet off ground, milk white complexion in a blonde flowing hair, a smile of content and care on her lips. Her hands outstretched, calling you into the unknown, hoping for the hand to come in, even in a dare. Scary woods make you doubt or is it her trusting smile? Take a leap, say yes for once, lay your hands in hers and trust her to take you some place better... even within yourself.

------

Blind faith, I hate thee

Infamous accusations drown

The might of your existence

But, asks me soul

Trust, be what?

Or the blind leap into darkness

One takes, in search of the light?

Follow the silvery white glow

Your assurance of stability

Security me soul craves, never to rest

Shut eyes, I take the leap

Hating you miserably, while me heart too

Cross me heart & hope the leap

To land me into lands better someplace

And if forgotten

Into a deep valley within, may they

Remember me, as the soul who dared

To take a leap, create not

A fear for you, but the strength

To take risks and trust you devil to

Take them beyond the lived realms

Into the ones, waiting for life

To burst the brightness into them.

Dancing Hearts

2009-12-28T21:56:00.004+05:30

A simple affair, a complicated feeling

A garden well planted of hopes and dreams

A graveyard well dug of past despairs

Words seem redundant

In this roller coaster ride of romance

Feelings sneak up on you, make you fly they do

Hold still on the ground, just so

The never ending journey through universe may begin

Make sense suddenly of a numerous other things

And accept, what a fool you've been

To not have seen the spirit that made

Two hearts rejoice in unison

Time never seems enough, expressions endless

Yet exhausted in a moment of passion

One deep breath is all it takes,

For the loved one to appear behind

The thin closed doors of these eyes

Which experience you, in a moment

And in the next, look down to let out a sigh

Hold you close, caress your face

Never let you go, at least

Not in that moment of milliseconds

When time has no right

But to stand still, to nonetheless

The command of my heart

And the will of my soul...

One moment is all it takes

To end the random worlds, and

Make one but exist

The world of you and me

And of the love that was

And is...

And promises to be.

*Image - www.deviantart.com

Randomness of Faith

2009-12-19T10:10:00.002+05:30

Prayers are an important routine for Indians. Be it the solace of a temple or church, or the quiet air of a home made 'puja ghar' or the noisy plateaus of crowded Mumbai locals at 6:30 am or 8:30 pm, people are, sometimes it seems to me, addicted to praying. Praying in the form of chanting hyms in the praise of God. Does it give their inside worlds an extra ordinary power to live through the cubble hole of life? Then again, isn't that exactly faith does - even if it faith in oneself?

Festivals are a big thing too. Celebrations born out of a religious fervor where people end up having fun. Sometimes, they seem so engrossed in the festivities, they forget God altogether. An abuse somewhere or worse, rape. Mindless alcohol consumption makes a person forget the teachings of that which he's out celebrating and many more like him are enough to make the rest insecure. I wonder whether the vice of alcohol actually shows us the person for who he/she really is. Religion is famous for the security it should provide to the heart of an individual, yet... it makes us insecure. The many religious riots stand are proof enough. Do we forget our principles because we are blindly following them or are we pretending its importance just to blend in?

Sometimes, we ought to stop and ask ourselves - what are my principles as a direct result of my self-faith?

---------

I wrote this some days back when travelling. A bit random, ain't it?

Visiting those Buckety Listings

2009-12-13T16:28:00.001+05:30

It's mid December. That's like a deadline. Not work, silly. Personal deadline… for so many things. Resolutions, for starters.

:( Yes ! I broke my resolutions! Bah! Waaaaaahh! :((

I am tempted to blame it all on the mystery guy being so busy with weddings he has to drive to, he can't take me out anywhere. Honest confession - I even wrote a statement to that effect but deleted it promptly. Yes, I have a conscience :(

Damn!

So let's review the buckety listings progress.

Learn to drive and cook - Hah! I couldn't get over my personal limitations on either. And the limitations do not include procrastination. :P
Break the shell - Well, this has worked for me. Yes, I did. Wheeee!
Relationships (build 2 new close friendships ones and maintain old ones) - This is something I am touchy about this year. I lost 2 friends - one to stupidity and other to differences that couldn't be resolved. I wish I could change things around but that’s the way it stands. I have built 2 close friendships though. Friends have been the stars this year for me.
Attend workshops and exhibitions - Phhbbbbtttt! :P Except for a rose society exhibition - I really haven't attended any
Love like I have never loved before - For friends, it stands. Rest, ahem! There still seems like sometime. ;)
Financial literacy - Err, yes I spent a lot this year. But I also invested and the funny fact is - I felt broke and almost scrambled around for money after investing a good chunk because there wasn't any left to spill. :O
Mumbai Darshan - Nope. Shameful. *Bends head in shame*

Not too bad I guess. Bad yes, but not too much. :)